Put Love First – personal ATTITUDE inspired by Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Program

My goal for this website was to write an unbiased Mort Fertel Review featuring his Marriage Fitness program because after going through his entire program, I learned some astonishing things about myself and why I was having marriage problems.

You see…I like most probably you was madly in love with my wife when we first met. We were inseparable! If I wasn’t in my college classes I was either at home hanging with my friends or with her. We constantly shared everything with each other. Were always on the phone and did everything together and were pretty much best friends. Life seemed perfect and the next logical step was to get married…have a family and live happily ever after.

BUT it didn’t quite work out like that. Truth is…we had a great relationship (so I thought at least) for a long time and things just got better and better when we decided to have children. Marriage problems were the farthest thing from our thoughts. We used to laugh at other couples we knew who had a whole library of marriage help books. Our standard comments used to be “aww…those poor guys…they’re just not in love”.

In fact friends and family used to often remark how great of a couple we were. And quite honestly I thought the same thing. However, I was unbelievably wrong! I know I can’t and I doubt my wife can really pin point it to a certain date in our marriage but slowly we were falling out of love with each other and I was clueless. On the surface, everything seemed perfect but looking back now, I realize all the devastating mistakes we made.

I was busy at work…trying to make a living for our family. My wife quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom. We stopped going out together. We stopped calling each other as much during the day. We stopped thinking of ways to do nice things for each other. We stopped going on trips with just the two of us. Everything we did involved our new addition to the family…a precious little girl we adored tremendously. We stopped doing things alone – we had no “us” time.

We didn’t quite recognize it at the time but we desperately needed marriage help. We were slowly on the track to getting divorced and drifting apart at an alarming rate with separate lives until one day my wife said the dreaded words to me “I love you but I’m not in love with you!”

I was devastated. My stomach started hurting instantly. My mental image went straight to a picture of us we had in the house where we seemed so happy and it shattered into a million pieces in front of me. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing 50% of our children’s lives because divorce seemed inevitable. It was a gut-wrenching moment in my life like I’ve never ever experienced before.

“Ouch…what just happened?”

It’s easy to see now. We just plain fell out of love and failed to Put Love First!

What exactly does putting love first mean?

It simply means our life is just like it used to be BUT now:

  • We make sure we take time to speak with each other 2 or 3 times during the day. It can be for 30 seconds to 5 minutes. Just a simple phone call to say “hey honey…I miss you…how’s your day going?”
  • We now go out together “ALONE” once a week for date nights. We have a scheduled babysitter who comes every saturday night.
  • We now wake up every morning and say something nice to each other immediately.  Something as simple as “I’m so grateful for you.”
  • Every morning I think to myself “what can I do today that will show Denise I love her?”
  • We now find each other buying small gifts for one another because we’re always thinking of each other and when the opportunity arises, we pick something up for one another. It could be as simple as an iced coffee from Starbucks.
  • We now go on annual trips…just the two of us. We’ve been to Jamaica 4 times and Mexico once. Both small trips for about 4 days each but enough to recharge our love for each other. We’re just about to go back to Jamaica.

In reality, our daily routine hasn’t changed much but the thought of how to stop a divorce was so overpowering that I couldn’t help but transform my day to day actions to fix my marriage problems. The things mentioned in this Mort Fertel Review besides the yearly trips are so easy to employ. If you just take the time to use the tips mentioned above you will have no need for marriage counseling and it will be very easy to stop divorce if that’s where you’re headed. Even if you’re facing some extreme crisis like infidelity in marriage!

Click Here for the Official Marriage Fitness Site

Save Your Marriage , , , ,

12 comments


  1. I’m impressed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter a blog about marriage help that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me inform you, you might have hit the nail on the head. Your insight is excellent. The specific marriage advice about talk charges was brilliant. I’m very completely satisfied that I stumbled across this in my search for something regarding saving my marriage.

  2. Spot on with this marriage help write-up, I really suppose this website needs much more consideration. I’ll in all probability be by again to read much more in this Mort Fertel Review. Thanks.

  3. Aw, this was a very nice post to help me stop my divorce and save my marriage. The information about Mort Fertel was great. Thank you so much for the post.

  4. shari

    The marriage fitness program sounds wonderful. I’ve been married 39 years and headed toward divorce – not my choice by any means. My husband has become very involved with psychics who have told him to leave and have outlined a plan for a new life for him. I and 3 adult kids do not matter. I know we have problems, largely my fault, I want to do the marriage bootcamp lone ranger, but I cannot get through to him – he believes everything the pyschics have told him – even that he has healing powers. I think I am going up against a brick wall. Thirty nine years is a long time to call it quits.

    • Mikk

      Shari…your situation definitely sounds unique BUT here’s one thing that definitely isn’t. From my experience with Mort’s program…here’s the root of your problem. You and your husband NO LONGER connect and he’s probably no longer in love with you anymore. Regardless of the surface problems, that’s always the main underlying issue. Your job needs to be to find a way for the both of you to be in love again. Here’s a suggestion…can you maybe involve yourself in his psychic activities again. Try to understand him and appreciate what he’s into. Remember when you 1st met and were in love….even if he did something you didn’t like, you would still hang out with him BECAUSE you just wanted to be with him. Over the years…when you no longer have that euphoric in-love feeling, you choose not to participate and sacrifice AND that’s a horrible mistake. One that I made and it nearly cost me my family and I’ll never make that mistake again. Love is definitely about sacrifice and it’s constant but it no longer feels like sacrifice…it just feels amazing to be part of my wife’s life no matter if I like what she’s doing or not. Every one has their own quirks, if you love them, you’ll work with them. I hope that helps. Mort’s program is amazing and really taught me all these things…especially how to stay in love and stop your divorce.

  5. JRJ

    PLEASE HELP! 2 WEEKS SHY OF OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY & I AM ALREADY CONSIDERING DIVORCE!!!! WE HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER CAUGHT UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS MARRIAGE THAT IS GOING NO WHERE VERY FAST!!! WE DID USED TO BE “IN” LOVE!!!!

    Hi Mikk,

    I must first say that I really appreciate your website featuring unbiased reviews of the Marriage Fitness Program by Mort Fertel. I can say that I will be ordering this Program later this afternoon. I can also tell you that even with all the wonderful points you have made on your review website, I honestly would be lying if I told you that I had little or no hesitation at all, about purchasing this program later today. I had a few questions and was hoping that you or someone that has already completed the program could help answer about the program itself? And I would also like to share my story with you and anyone visiting this site, considering I feel like the “bad guy” in the situation, probably unlike most people that visit these sites.

    So before I share my story, my QUESTION is:
    I am most likely going to be ordering the “Lone Ranger” course, and try to attempt to do this alone. I am wondering when I begin the Program, if my husband decides he wants to participate, will I have to reorder the program for couples? I understand that the Marriage Max website says that your spouse can pick up at any point they decide to with you, for no additional cost, but my main concern is the layout of the program and the tools you are provided with? For example, is the Lone Ranger Program a different layout and provide different tools or not enough tools than the Program for Couples?
    I honestly just want to have everything at my fingertips if he does decide to participate. However, I will be beginning this adventure all alone at first, so if the Lone Ranger is designed just for people doing this alone, I am sure that’s what I will need. I wish Mort’s site was a little clear on what you actually receive and whether you get both options when you order, I would much rather not have to choose whether I need the Lone Ranger or the Couples Program. I would prefer to receive both (that way I have access to whichever I may need at the time it arrives or throughout the course). Do you know if this program comes with both options and we will get to decide upon arrival?

    Thank you for any insight you may be able to provide and Thank you for taking the time to read my questions and concerns.

    HERE GOES MY STORY:

    HI TO ALL ENDURING MARRIAGE PROBLEMS,

    MY NAME IS RENEE AND THIS IS WHAT I AM PERSONALLY DEALING WITH IN MY MARRIAGE…. MY HUSBAND, JACOB AND I MET ALMOST 5 YEARS AGO. I WAS 23 AND HE WAS 27 WHEN WE MET. WE FELL MADLY “IN” LOVE VERY QUICKLY. WE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE TOGETHER, AND ENJOYED ONE ANOTHER’S COMPANY. WE DID NICE THINGS FOR EACH OTHER, WE WERE ALWAYS LEAVING SWEET NOTES FOR ONE ANOTHER. IT SEEMED THAT NOBODY IN WORLD EXISTED BUT THE 2 OF US. NOBODY COULD MAKE THE OTHER ONE LAUGH, SMILE, or CRY THE WAY WE DID FOR EACH OTHER. THINGS BEGAN TO PROGRESS VERY FAST. WE WERE LIVING TOGETHER AFTER ONLY 6 MONTHS, EVERYONE TOLD US THAT THINGS WERE MKVING TO FAST AND WE NEEDED TO SLOW DOWN, NOBODY LIKED THE IDEA OF US LIVING TOGETHER SO QUICKLY, BUT WE DID NOT CARE WHAT OTHERS HAD TO SAY, WE KNEW IT WAS WHAT WE WANTED TO DO AND WHAT WAS RIGHT FOR US AND FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP AT THAT TIME. WE HAD BOTH BEEN PREVIOUSLY ENGAGED PRIOR TO DATING, OUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS HAD BEEN A FLOP, AND BOTH OF OUR PREVIOUS FIANCÉS HAD CHEATED ON US, DURING THE WEDDING PLANNING PROCESS, LEAVING BOTH OF US HURT AND ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT MARRIAGE. ALTHOUGH, WE BOTH HAD TRADITIONAL UPBRINGINGS, (BOTH OF OUR GRANDFATHER’S WERE PREACHERS), JACOB AND I HAD DECIDED THAT WE DIDN’T NEED MARRIAGE PAPERS TO BE HONEST AND COMMITTED TO ONE ANOTHER. WHEN WE MET HE KNEW I HAD SUFFERED FROM A LONG LIST OF DIFFERENT HEALTH PROBLEMS THAT I HAD DEALT WITH SINCE CHILDHOOD, HE WAS OKAY WITH THAT, AND ACTUALLY TOOK VERY GOOD CARE OF ME, TAKING OFF WORK TO TAKE ME TO MY SPECIALISTS ONCE OR TWICE A MONTH ON A 4 HOUR ROAD TRIP
    TO GET TO MY DOCTORS, ALSO, STAYING BY MY SIDE EVERY TIME I WOULD BE HOSPITALIZED FOR DAYS THROUGHOUT THE YEAR, AND TAKING CARE OF ME AFTER DIFFERENT SURGERIES I WOULD HAVE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS (7 different major surgeries in 4 years)… HE KNEW THAT I HAD A HARD TIME LETTING PEOPLE GET CLOSE TO ME, BECAUSE MORE TIMES THAN NOT, MY HEALTH WOULD PROVE TO BE TOO MUCH ON A RELATIONSHIP… HE WAS WONDERFUL, AND ASSURED ME THAT I WAS DESERVING OF HIS LOVE. HE UNDERSTOOD THAT I HAD GOOD DAYS AND BAD ONES, AND ON MY GOOD DAYS I COULD GIVE 200% , BUT ON MY BAD ONES, I WAS PRACTICALLY NON FUNCTIONING… THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN TOUGH ON ME, BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE THE NORMAL, HEALTHY, ACTIVE (ON GOOD DAYS) WOMAN. PEOPLE WHO DO NOT KNOW ME, COULD LOOK AT ME AND THINK TO THEMSELVES THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS LADY, SHE LOOKS LIKE THE PICTURE OF HEALTH. BUT JACOB JUST GOT IT, HE GOT TO SEE FIRSTHAND WHAT I GO THROUGH, AND ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF ME. ABOUT 2 YEARS INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP I HAD TO HAVE SURGERY FOR SOME FEMALE PROBLEMS, AND THE DOCTOR SAT JACOB AND I BOTH DOWN TO EXPLAIN I MOST LIKELY WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN. SHE EXPLAINED THERE WAS A RADICAL TREATMENT OPTION THAT I COULD TRY, IT WOULD PUT MY BODY INTO A PREMATURE MENOPAUSE FOR 1 YEAR, (AND DURING THAT YEAR, I FOR SURE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN) BUT THAT AFTER THAT YEAR WAS OVER, IT SHOULD PROVIDE US WITH A 2-5 YEAR WINDOW TO ATTEMPT TO GET PREGNANT. SO WE TRIED THE TREATMENT, AND ABOUT 6 MONTHS INTO IT, I BECAME EXTREMELY ILL, I WAS PUT IN THE HOSPITAL ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT I HAD BECAME PREGNANT WHILE ON THIS INTENSE TREATMENT, THAT I WAS ALREADY 4 MONTHS ALONG, AND WE JUST DIDN’T KNOW, SINCE MENOPAUSE SHUTS DOWN A WOMAN’S MONTHLY CYCLE. NEITHER OF US HAD PLANNED ON HAVING A CHILD AT THAT POINT IN OUR LIVES, BUT WE EMBRACED THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE GIVEN SUCH A MIRACLE. WE CAUTIOUSLY PROCEEDED WITH THE PREGNANCY. AND WE WERE BLESSED WITH A BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY DAUGHTER. THROUGHOUT, OUR PREGNANCY, WE HAD EVERYONE TELLING US WE NEEDED TO GET MARRIED, BUT WE OPTED TO WAIT. WE HAD OUR DAUGHTER FIRST, AND 10 MONTHS LATER DECIDED TO MARRY. I DO NOT THINK EITHER OF US REALIZED HOW DIFFERENT A RELATIONSHIP BECOMES WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD IN THE EQUATION, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE NO HELP FROM GRANDPARENTS OR LET ALONE ANYONE. IT BECOMES ALL ABOUT THE NEW LITTLE LIFE YOU HAVE BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD AND YOU ADORE MORE THAN ANYTHING AND LESS ABOUT YOURSELF OR ONE ANOTHER. THE FIRST REAL TIME, THAT I KNEW THERE WAS A PROBLEM IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS AT THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY A FRIEND THREW US, AND JACOB HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DRINK AT THIS CELEBRATION, HE ENDED UP IN HIS UNDERWEAR IN BED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, NOTHING FURTHER HAPPENED, BUT IT STILL BROKE MY HEART, I BEGAN TO WONDER WHY WASN’T I GOOD ENOUGH AND IF I HAD BECOME UNDESIRABLE TO HIM… HE ASSURED ME THAT IT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE, AND BEGGED ME TO PROCEED WITH THE WEDDING. SO WE GOT MARRIED, EVEN THOUGH I NEVER LET GO OF ALL THAT HURT AND PAIN. THINGS GOT HARDER, THINGS CHANGED… HE BEGAN TO COMPLAIN, AND STILL DOES, NOTHING I DO SEEMS GOOD ENOUGH, I CANT SEEM TO SATISFY HIM AND HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THAT BEING A MOM IS A FULL TIME JOB ESPECIALLY WITH HEALTH PROBLEMS I EXPIERENCE, HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY I CAN’T DO IT ALL, WHY THE HOUSE CAN’T BE PERFECT, OUR DAUGHTER PERFECTLY TENDED TOO, AND WHY I CAN’T FIX MYSELF UP EVERYDAY, ALL DAY. EVEN WHEN I DO THE BEST I CAN AND TRY TO GET EVERYTHING ACCOMPLISHED, THERE IS NEVER A COMPLIMENT ON THE WAY I LOOK. NEVER A MEANINGFUL THANK YOU. IF THERE IS A THANK YOU, A BUT WHY DIDNT YOU DO THIS AS WELL IS RIGHT BEHIND IT OR YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS TOO, OR I KNOW U CAN DO BETTER. IT HONESTLY WEARS ON YOU TO BE CRITIZED ALL THE TIME, OFTEN TIMES I JUST GET IN A MOOD WHERE I DO NOT WANT TO TRY AT ALL ANYMORE. AND IF I EVER HAPPEN TO TELL HIM I NEED A SMALL BREAK TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME, OR ASK HIM TO TAKE ME ON A DATE, HE TELLS ME THAT IT IS SELFISH TO LEAVE OUR DAUGHTER FOR US TO HAVE ENJOYMENT, I TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH HIM, HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THAT NOT ONLY AM I A STAY AT HOME MOM WHILE HE IS AT WORK, BUT I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM AT NIGHT, ON THE WEEKENDS, 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK… I DO NOT DO 1 SINGLE THING WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER BY MY SIDE. PLEASE BELIEVE I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR HER, I JUST LONG FOR AN ADULT CONVERSATION AND A GLASS OF WINE OVER A NICE QUEIT DINNER AT TIMES… I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HIM, IT WOULD BE NO DIFFERENT IF WERE TO WORK WEEKENDS AND ALSO NIGHTS, AND NEVER GET A BREAK FROM HIS JOB. HE STILL ALWAYS INSISTS I AM SELFISH FOR DESIRING THOSE THINGS. I CAN TELL YOU THAT I AM VERY UNFULFILLED, AND WITH ALL THE CRITICISM, I JUST KIND OF GAVE UP. I HAVE TOLD HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THAT I LOVE HIM, BUT AM NO LONGER IN LOVE WITH HIM, I ACTUALLY DO NOT EVEN WANT TO TALK TO HIM ON THE PHONE, AND DO NOT LOOK FORWARD TO HIM COMING HOME FROM WORK. EVERYTHING IS ROUTINE, ALMOST FEELS LIKE SAYING I LOVE YOU AND SEX IS JUST BASIC ROUTINE. NOT HEART FELT. I BRING UP DIVORCE EVERYTIME WE ARGUE, HE CALLS ME A QUITTER… ALL OF THIS UNHAPPINESS HAS LEAD ME DOWN A ROAD I KNOW I DO NOT NEED TO BE GOING DOWN, NOT TOO LONG AGO, I BEGAN AN ONLINE AND OVER THE PHONE RELATIONSHIP WITH A FORMER FLAME AND I KNOW THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE AT ALL. I TRY TO TELL MYSELF DO NOT FALL INTO THIS, SOMETIMES
    I AM SUCESSFUL AND OTHERS I LONG TO HEAR THE THINGS MY HUSBAND ONCE TOLD ME. IT IS SO NICE FOR ANY WOMAN, BUT A
    WOMAN THAT IS 28 and A MOTHER TO HEAR THAT SHE IS STILL DESIRABLE AND BE TOLD SHE IS ATTRACTIVE AND BEAUTIFUL AND TO FEEL APPRECIATED. I KNOW THAT I NEED TO BACK AWAY FROM THIS EMOTIONAL AFFAIR, BEFORE I END UP COMPLETELY BLOCKING OFF MY HEART TO MY HUSBAND AND ALLOWING MY FORMER FLAME TO COME IN. I WANT TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE AND MY FAMILY, BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE, BUT I ALSO WANT MY HUSBAND TO GIVE ME THE THINGS I NEED FROM MARRIAGE, INSTEAD OF BEING SO STUBBORN AND THINKING HE IS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING AND HE DOES NOT NEED TO PROVIDE MORE THAN HE IS.

    ANY ADVISE WOULD BE WONDERFUL. I AM SORRY I WROTE A SHORT STORY ALL ABOUT OUR LIFE. THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO LISTEN AND THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING THIS SITE.

    Hoping for a better marriage,
    Renee

    • JRJ

      Hi, this is Renee again..

      I also just wanted to add that my husband does not know about my online emotional affair I have been having yet…

      The other thing I wanted to add, was that shortly after our only child’s (little girl) first birthday, I had to undergo a complete hysterectomy, guaranteeing we will never be able to have another child the natural way. And I am 28 years old, my husband is 32, this has been incredibly hard for both of us, I often wonder if that is why he feels it is selfish for us to spend anytime away from our daughter. Just wanted to add those thoughts.

    • Mikk

      Hi Renee…sorry for the delayed response. Sometimes I don’t see these emails right away. 1st things 1st…the lone ranger is fine to start for sure and your spouse can join in later. As for your story, I’ve learned this is very typical. Unfortunately both of you are no longer “in love”. You recognize it but he doesn’t quite yet. It’s admirable of him to say you should stay at home with your daughter – I used to the same thing – but he’s missing the bigger picture. You’re longing for his attention and you’re not getting it. As for the other guy in your life…it’s hard for me to say this, but don’t beat yourself up too much about it. It’s such a natural thing to happen in your current mental state…where you’re longing for attention. Is it wrong…YES of course and if you have a serious desire, you have to cut that guy off. If you don’t, you’ll never have the opportunity to make your marriage work. It just wont! The truth is, your husband doesn’t realize it yet but he’s 50% to blame for that other guy showing up in your life. If your husband was giving you the attention you deserve you wouldn’t need that other. This is a very hard pill to swallow though for anyone. My advice…cut that guy off immediately and start taking small steps to make this marriage work. The beginning of your courtship sounds so beautiful and believe me, once you’re able to get it back, it gets even better. It’s crazy but it’s true. My wife and I are better than we ever were. Some people look at me like I’ve got 2 heads when I say that but it’s true. We go on dates every saturday night without fail. Sometimes other friends are involved but we definitely prefer just the 2 of us – which is the way it should be at least 1 time a week. Other times we go with friends and still have a good time and laugh like we used to when we met in college. Bottom line Renee…there’s still hope. To make it happen, you need to start doing those things you used to when you 1st were in love. Start with simple phone calls during the day to him…short ones just to let him know what you’re doing…something related to your child at first will be easy. It will feel very awkward but just endure. Also, start leaving him little notes again. Tomorrow…a little note that says “I hope you have a good day today. I’ll be thinking of you”. It doesn’t have to be I Love You or I miss you…or the cliche things. Just simple stuff works. I hope that helps. Please let me know if I can help otherwise. The Mort Fertel Marriage Fitness program was amazing. It made me a better person and my wife couldn’t help but notice…the same could happen for you very easily. Good luck. Mikk.

  6. QJ

    I am so glad that I ran across this blog. But I feel like it’s too late. My husband started seeing another woman, someone from high school, and left me and our three children almost 5 months ago. So much has been said and done that I don’t know how we could ever reconnect. He has told me that he has a deep connection with her, not me. That he wants to be with his children, not me. That he has found something different with her. I feel blindsided and rejected. I thought we were a team and now he has traded us in for another complete family with kids and all. I want to try the marriage fitness program, but I am scared to fail.

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